How Do You Feel About Trust?
I’m always intrigued by my clients. I find the work I do and the people I meet fascinating. Along the way, I’ve noticed patterns with their issues or presenting problem. For instance, I’ll get a wave of clients who want to work on Imposter Syndrome, then a wave of folks who want to do a deep dive into relationships or finances.
One thing I’ve noticed that connects all of these clients is that many have difficulty with trust issues. Their family dynamics were co-dependent, and enmeshment was normalized. It could also come from a lifetime of being gaslit by those in authority. So many kids were told there was only one way to behave to become accepted and loved, and because they couldn't change, they were broken on some level. They learned that playing small felt more comfortable and safer because it probably did initially. Remember, we develop habits and behaviors because we genuinely believe they're helping rather than hurting us.
Many people struggle with the fact that conflict is inevitable. They feel if only they could get everyone else in their life to change, or to see them a certain way, then all their troubles would magically disappear. Life doesn't work like that. Furthermore, they don’t want to investigate how they appear to others in challenging situations. They're often ashamed of their behavior. They are concerned with protecting their heart or ego from pain and instead see themselves as victims of circumstance. And I get it. I’ve been there. It's how my family lived. RTT helped me break that cycle once and for all.
When we put all our attention on protecting ourselves, we don’t allow for any vulnerability or authenticity. We don't share our authentic voice with the world. We can’t seem to acknowledge that others are flawed and make mistakes; sometimes, those mistakes will hurt like hell. The key is finding how to repair and tend to ruptures in our interactions with others. This is what separates healthy relationships from unhealthy ones. And it takes time to learn those behaviors if they weren't modeled to us growing up.
One of the most effective ways to do this is to have complete trust in yourself as well as have a deep understanding of who you are and what you value (Spoiler alert: most of us know what we don't want, but not what we do want). And then protect those values with strong boundaries-- knowing full well that what’s meant for you will come, so you can let go of your deep fear of the unknown. But first, you must let go of the fear, guilt, shame, and insecurity holding you back and keeping you small. Our shadow teams are strong and work overtime to keep us from evolving.
Learning to trust yourself isn’t always comfortable, especially in the beginning. Along the way, there may be miscommunication or betrayal. You may feel your trust has been breached or compromised. You'll go into your stories about how this always happens to you. You won't actively seek to repair the rupture but instead, lash out and accuse someone of intentionally trying to hurt you. Nothing changes in this scenario, and you feel hopeless and/or helpless. And when this happens, you return to comfortable behaviors that rarely serve you, and the cycle continues. Sound familiar?
RTT can help you pinpoint when your lack of trust started. It can help you understand what happened, why, and what your instincts are once the breach occurs. During your bespoke transformational recording, I'll then install healthy beliefs that will lead to beneficial behaviors.
